B is for background

B is for Background. Several of you were kind enough to ask for more background and I thought I’d give a little. I’m trying to keep my A-Z post short because there are so many good sites participating, but this one might be a little longer.

Where to start? I grew up in a loving, nurturing home. My parents spanked rarely and I hated it when they did. I preferred spanking it in my head, it’s always been there and I always assumed that would be where it should stay. Obviously I was weird, strange and perverted to have those feelings. I was content in my head with Cassie and my other made up characters.

I married a wonderful man, thirty-one years ago this coming Thursday. During our engagement our friends told us we would make a great little old couple. I often wondered why they said that. But now I supposed it’s come true. On the surface I thought sex should be fun and wild – but deep in me I was really one of those, ‘man on top, woman on bottom get it over with quick, and be sure the lights are out’ kind of girl. Most of my sex education came from my mom (born in 1919, who learned from her mom, born in 1880). All I really knew is to save it until marriage and you had to do it to get babies.

Our marriage was – pleasant. We loved each other, we liked each other, for the most part we were good roommates. We had sex about once a month, just basic stuff. I was fine with that. I’m sure Nick wanted more, but he never pushed.

I threw myself into my teaching, taking care of the children and later taking care of my parents. My fantasy life flourished – all in my head. I knew that the one thing that really turned me on was spanking, and heavens, I couldn’t tell my husband about that!

I lost my mother eleven years ago and my dad nine years ago. The kids were older and I began wondering what I wanted out of life, and then it hit. Pain like I’d never know. It began in my fingers and spread pretty quickly. It was so very strange. I’d get up in the mornings feeling fine, then around two or three in the afternoon the pain hit, first a finger or two – not always the same finger, then my arms and shoulder, my neck, my knees and feet. My kids had to help me up from a chair. I couldn’t read because putting two fingers together to turn the page was excruciating. No pain meds touched it. I began going to bed at six to hopefully get out of pain. Mollie, eleven at the time, bought me her mirror for my nightstand so I could see the TV with out turning my head.

I was able to teach, I was still fine during the day until afternoon. It was so strange – I had tests, x-rays, you name it, nothing showed. Then I went to a rheumatologist. He listened to my symptoms and said, “I think you have palindromic rheumatism.” He gave me a prescription and said, “Take one a day for a month, then one every other day for a month. Then come back and see me.” I had little hope, no pill had helped before.

The next day there was no pain. NO pain. Not better, not easing up – gone. I found myself looking over my shoulder for it. I couldn’t believe it could just be gone. It was that simple. I have the occasional rare flair up, it might start in one finger. I take the medication for a day or two and it’s gone. God bless my doctor for his knowledge.

So I went from thinking my life was over, or would at least be spent in pain, possible in a wheel chair to feeling fantastic. I intended on celebrating! I got on line, googled spanking, found the blogs and after a few weeks reading there, I emailed Nick – I was still to embarrassed to tell him fact to face. I told him my desires and that I wanted him to think about it. We had just made a little TV room in the basement; there was a day bed a TV and our computer. I mentioned to him that I wished the door had a lock since I felt uncomfortable making too much noise in our bedroom, if he did decide he was willing to spank me. When I got home the next day he smiled and handed me the key to the brand new lock on the door.

Everything changed – everything! Over night our sex life went from pretty dull vanilla to ‘we’re willing to try anything once’, and I think we have! We are the proud owners of toys galore, paddles, crops, cane (just one, I gave one of the damn things to Leigh Smith after Ronnie sent me two). We have plugs, vibrators, floggers, cuffs and masks. We have fun!

I also began sleeping in the nude, let my hair grow and lost forty pounds (sadly that crept back on, but you get the idea.) During this time of discovery our oldest went to college, something I thought would kill me, and might have if I hadn’t been so close to my husband by then. Nick was laid off from work, I know our closeness helped us ride out those two years. I even went though menopause during that time and barely notice it. And I started writing, boy, did I start writing! I started New Beginning and I started writing all the Cassie stories in my head.

We’ve had our ups and down with the ‘spanking lifestyle’, but we’ve never lost the closeness it brought us. I give honor and thanks to the spanko bloggers that were there for me when I got the courage to go looking. I thank all the wonderful people I met on the blogs for making me feel, for the first time, that I was normal in my desires and I especially thank my wonderful Nick for putting up with the ‘other me’ for so long and totally allowing the new me to blossom.

Please keep coming back, I promise not to be so long winded everyday.